Those long waits at the doctor’s reception, those scan visits, those incessant pokes and shots, those insensitive doctors and folks, those endless temple visits and poojas, planning your everyday schedule around your chums, the anxiety following and leading up to each visit to the doctor not to talk about how harrowing it is when all you need is an extra line on the pee stick- sigh! These are the thoughts that pop into my mind as soon as I hear about “infertility”.
So there we were, a 20 something happy couple who knew next to nothing about the ABCs of conceiving – not that it stopped half the world from conceiving! When things didn’t work out the way we wanted to, we made half hearted attempts and began exploring our options – meeting gyneacs, infertility specialists. And ho before we knew we were caught in a barrage of tests – which meant rushing into a scanning center minimum of six days a month right in the middle of your work hours only to be prodded and poked at by nurses and colors who seemed to lack any kind of emotion or warmth. Worse were the medication prescribed, making you throw up randomly and giving hopes leading to a heartbreak to everyone at home who’s waiting for a good news. Then the emotional see-saw you go through – a teeny-weeny hope at the “start” of every cycle, the fervent praying that this should be the one, those butterflies in the tummy when you wait to see if that second line will appear on the pregnancy homesite, the urgent prayers to your Gods to make you parents!
Finally when even after waiting for more than the prescribed time, the pee stick doesn’t show the second line, how noiselessly our hearts broke, careful not to let others hear lest they too feel sad for you. A sense of loss and hopelessness settles in by this time and you almost reach the end of your rope of hope.
We made more than one half hearted foray – we did as many as 5 failed IUI (and a laparoscopy to boot) with the best of the doctors in town – imagine travelling to the other end of the city in the crazy Bangalore traffic! All this while people around seemed to be popping out babies like it was a walk in the park!
Everything seems to be going against us and we were purely exhausted.
We were so tired and this close to giving up! On a whim, we decided to ditch all the specialists at the other end of the town and go to this new, unheard of infertility clinic in the neighbourhood. We still have no clue what happened, but guess what! The very first cycle of IUI worked! Things finally began to look good for us, like our prayers were finally being answered. And today we have a 20 month old gurgling happy boy to show
So was there anything different we did – actually no! So much so, that in the last scan it was found that one of my fallopian tubes was damaged rendering the conditions more unfavorable than our previous IUI! Was it the doctor or the new medicines? I don’t think so! As clichéd as it sounds I think it was just that the “Time was right” – I remember the number of times I have rolled my eyes when people told me that before we had our baby!
What kept me sane was my husband-man and both sides of our family and friends. My friends were this amazing circle of women – almost all except one who stays next door are my “blogger friends”! They helped me realize this is just a part of life and not life itself! But my daily dose of sunshine as I call her was a dear friend who was sailing in the same boat of infertility. It amazes me, how much she could perk me up even when she was going through dark times herself! Despite sitting oceans away she was this virtual rock I could lean against whenever I was about to sink! No words would ever do justice in describing what her presence in my life meant to me at that time. Caught in the storms of despair and hopelessness, she was my lighthouse.
Honestly it is about time the world – from family to employers to insurance companies – accepts infertility as a health condition. Would you be made to feel guilty if you are down sick with say jaundice – then why should I feel guilty about my “unexplained” infertility! It would take off the stigma, the anxiety and make this journey a little more bearable if people were more supportive and accepting of the fact that infertility isn’t something you invite upon yourself or your partner, rather it is a health condition that has the potential to affect both the physical and mental well-being of a family.
This blog is to #SpreadAwareness about Infertility through Infertility Dost, India’s first website that facilitates couples to brave infertility with support and knowledge. You can find other links on Write Tribe.